By Melchi Pagdanganan
Dom* spent his childhood learning how to mix colors, draw cartoon characters, and play like every kid would in their free time. Now that he’s 18, his palette consisted only of black and red; he drew wrists with cuts, tons of eyes fixated on a kid, and faceless characters filled with Band-Aids—all while waiting for his case filed against his abuser to move at a painstakingly slow pace.
Shackled by fear to be the center of the blame of his relatives, it took him 10 years to open what happened to him when he was 6 in the hands of his stepfather in Asingan, Pangasinan to Lorraine*, the stranger he has only known for a year online.
"Nu'ng bata ako actually sinabi ko siya sa mga pinsan ko, pero bata lang din naman sila kaya siguro hindi nila alam gagawin. Alam din ng nag-aalaga sakin 'yung nangyayari kasi kahit siya hina-harass. May red flags na pero hindi pa nila sinabi sa parents ko. Minsan gusto ko silang sisihin pero hindi naman nila kasalanan,” Dom said when asked if he had told this to someone aside from Lorraine.
READ: https://www.rappler.com/nation/266161-victim-blaming-why-survivors-sexual-violence-not-come-forward/
Clueless about how the law works, Dom and Lorraine worked to attain solid evidence that would surely put Reden, his abuser, behind bars. And that was to make him admit his wrongdoings through chat. At that time, Reden was messaging Dom, and even made him remember things Dom wanted to forget in an attempt to take advantage of him again.
A year after that, Dom and Lorraine decided to seek justice Dom have been silently wishing for a decade.
“Hindi kasi enough na makikinig lang ako, makiki-empathize when I know I could do something,” Lorraine said in an interview.
With a go signal from Dom in September 2020, Lorraine looked for information online where she could connect Dom with. Until she stumbled upon a Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) email that responded to her message a day after she asked for help.
“Hiningi ng DSWD details ni Dom, name, address, ganiyan, tapos sinabi na open daw sila lagi from Monday to Friday anytime."
DSWD advised Dom to go to DSWD Central Office in Batasan, Quezon City so they could assist him. They also assured Lorraine that they will assist Dom with his counseling. However, his consultations with the DSWD’s counselor have not been consistent.
“Hindi naman sila nag-reply ’tsaka wala silang ginawa. Sabi nila pupunta sa bahay kaya kinuha address ko, pero wala namang nangyari,” Dom stated.
Artwork by Dom
Why he won’t go to a psychologist
Dom is aware of how the trauma has been deteriorating his mental health. Its manifestation includes hurting himself and frequent suicidal thoughts which are strong signs of depression. But seeking therapy sessions with a psychologist in the Philippines is costly. Furthermore, his mother is working at a BPO company and had just given birth in March. They are also living now under the roof of his mother’s boyfriend. Above all, with inflation at 8%, prices of necessities are skyrocketing, which further pushes his mental health needs to the end of their priority list.
Currently, one session with a psychologist ranges from 700 to 1,500 pesos. Any free mental health services are too far and costly for them to travel as some of them are located in Mandaluyong, Cavite, and Manila. And anything that is offered free always has full slots.
He was always left with no choice but to drown himself in online games, play his guitar, and draw just to distract himself whenever he had the urge to direct his frustration to himself again.
Now, Dom stopped distracting himself.
"Kung iisipin mo, nakakalungkot kasi lagi mo na lang dini-distract sarili mo, e, parang pinipilit mo kalimutan, pero ang totoo hindi siya mawawala. Nandoon pa rin," he said. “Parang ano, what’s the point?”
Artwork by Dom
Case Updates
In May 2022, Dom received the papers from the Regional Trial Court - Quezon City Branch that indicated the details about his abuser’s crimes and the arrest warrant for him. In the papers, Reden is charged with sexual assault with a fine of 180,000; statutory rape—non bailable; and four counts of acts of laviciousness with a fine fixed at 180,000.
Criminal cases filed against Reden
Initially, Dom should've been ecstatic with the update since he will soon get the justice he deserves, but what he only felt was forced hope and the looming fear that Reden might get away.
“Dumating papers, may warrant, may nangyari ba?” he questioned more to himself.
It had been seven months since the last update about his case. And it had been seven months since he stopped expecting anything from it. He has only two choices: to bring the justice in his hands or free himself from his suffering forever. Whichever of the two is favorable for him, unless his predator is caught and jailed for life.
“I just need something. Update. Kahit isang beses lang every month, so I [would] know they’re working on it. Kasi nakakaputangina na hindi mo alam 'yung nangyayari, e. Wala kang idea, walang nagsasabi sa 'yo. Kaya mawawalan ka na lang ng gana. I just need something to keep me going.”
Recently, Dom’s mother gave an update that she has tipped the warrant operator where Reden might be hiding, and that Reden might go home in Pangasinan this Christmas.
With New Year waiting ahead, Dom has only one wish: to watch his abuser rot where he belongs—behind bars.
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